If you missed our January training, I wanted to briefly share what we covered and offer practical tools and language you can use when these situations come up in your group.
One of the most loving roles we have as leaders is protecting healthy group conversations. While redirecting can feel uncomfortable, it doesn’t have to be confrontational—it’s an important part of shepherding those we lead.
Here is a simple guide to help you lead conversations with confidence, grace, and clarity.
The Big Picture—Why Redirection Matters:
- You’re not just a host; you’re a shepherd.
- A host looks to create comfort. A shepherd looks to protect space so everyone can grow.
- When one person dominates, others disengage. Redirecting one voice often creates room for many others.
- Redirecting isn’t rejecting someone—it’s protecting the group and honoring every voice.
When Someone Talks Over Another Person:
The goal: Protect respect without embarrassing anyone.
Try:
- “I’m going to pause you for just a moment—I want to make sure [Name] can finish their thought.”
- “Let’s let [Name] wrap up, then we’ll come back to you.”
- Turn toward the original speaker to model attentive listening.
After the Gathering:
If this becomes a pattern, a brief private conversation can help. Assume good intent and invite partnership. You might say:
“I really appreciate how engaged you are—it adds a lot to our group. I’ve noticed it can be easy to jump in quickly, and I’m working to make sure everyone has space to share. Would you help me draw out some of our quieter voices?”
When someone dominates or goes on too long:
The goal: Keep balance while honoring their contribution.
Try:
- “That’s a helpful perspective—I’d love to hear from a few others, too.”
- “Thanks for sharing, [Name]. There is a lot to unpack, and I want to make sure we hear a few different voices.”
- “That’s a great example—could you share the main takeaway for us?”
- “Let’s come back to that after the main discussion.”
- You can also find something in what they are sharing to draw others into the conversation by pausing the speaker and asking if anyone else has a similar or different experience.
After the Gathering:
If this becomes a pattern, have a brief, private conversation and assume good intent. You could say:
“I really value your insight and engagement. I’m also trying to make sure everyone has space to share, and sometimes that means helping us keep things moving. Would you partner with me in making room for others during discussion?”
When an off-topic, polarizing conversation starts:
The goal: Affirm strong opinions while respecting the group’s time and preferences.
Try:
- “I love your passion on this topic! Let’s see if the group wants to spend some time on this subject, or if it’s better to take this conversation offline.”
- Define group agreements ahead of time: Namely, ask, “Is it okay for us to talk about politics, or other controversial topics (for which at least one of us has strong opinions)?
- If the group says “let’s do this!” … then give the person with the strong opinion 5 minutes to explain his or her position; then give the “opponent” 2 minutes to paraphrase that person’s opinion. Then switch. The goal here is “Understanding without Agreement” This goal is for strong emotions to diminish after mutual understanding
- If the group has little-to-no interest, have an offline conversation with that individual about the group’s preferences.
After the Gathering:
If a person insists on provoking heated topic discussions for which the group has little-to-no interest, have an offline conversation with that individual about the group’s preferences.
If there is continued disrespect in this regard, ask the person to leave the group. Elevate the issue to the pastors, if necessary.
General Tips for Healthy Group Dynamics:
• Set expectations early:
Let your group know at the start what they can expect from the flow of the conversation.
• Use body language: Lean in, raise a hand slightly, or shift posture to signal a transition.
• Invite quieter voices:
“I’d love to hear from someone who hasn’t shared yet.”
• Prayer & Discernment: We may know our group really well, but God knows them best. Praying for how to handle these situations is important, as we allow the Lord to guide us when these tough situations arise.
Final Encouragement:
Redirecting is not harsh.
Boundaries are not unloving.
Leadership is rarely comfortable — but it is always relational and redemptive.
Your gentle guidance may be exactly what keeps someone engaged, growing, and connected.
Thank you for shepherding your groups with wisdom and care.
Grace and peace,
Tiff & Doug